The Power of Words: How Shifting from "Sorry" to "Thank You" Can Transform Your Professional and Personal Life
In our fast-paced world, language is an incredibly powerful tool that shapes our interactions and perceptions. From everyday conversations to professional communications, the words we choose can significantly impact our emotional and mental well-being.
One habit that many people, particularly women, struggle with is the overuse of the word "sorry."
Apologizing for minor inconveniences or perceived shortcomings can subtly erode self-confidence and reinforce negative self-perceptions.
However, by consciously shifting from "sorry" to "thank you," we can practice gratitude, boost our self-esteem, and foster more positive relationships both at work and in our personal lives.
The Impact of Apologizing Too Much
Saying "sorry" too frequently can have unintended consequences on our mental health and self-worth.
I myself struggled, and still struggle with this today. I can recall times when I even started a sentence by apologizing first for feeling a certain way. Anyone who knows me now knows one of my rules is: You never apologize for how you feel. Labeling emotions as good or bad is harmful, we have emotions for a reason. They protect us and allow us to interpret the world around us. It’s how we act upon our emotions that may be harmful or require an apology later on, but the emotion itself is not bad. We can discuss this in another article. But it’s one of my more important examples of when not to apologize or to catch yourself before you apologize.
Research has shown that over-apologizing can make individuals feel more anxious and less competent.
Think about it. Whether it’s from your own life or others; when someone says sorry it’s normally delivered in a weak, shaky, unassertive way. As if they are ashamed of themselves. And doing this repeatedly for ‘small’ inconvenience, normally found in day-to-day work, can eventually cause lifetime self-image damage.
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that excessive apologizing can lead to a decrease in perceived status and power. This is particularly relevant in professional settings where confidence and assertiveness are highly valued.
Women, in particular, are often socialized to apologize more than men. I for one have justified my apology by saying I was only trying to be nice or have manners. It’s a harmful tool women learn at an early age for situations they believe they have to ‘calm down’ or ‘de-escalate’ confrontation. Remember, confrontation is not always a bad thing, especially if you are defining and staying true to your boundaries.
According to a study published in Psychological Science, women tend to apologize more frequently because they have a lower threshold for what they consider offensive behavior. This ingrained habit can make women appear less confident and assertive in the workplace, potentially hindering their career advancement.
The Power of Gratitude
In contrast, expressing gratitude has been shown to have numerous positive effects on mental health and well-being.
A study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that practicing gratitude can lead to increased happiness, better sleep, and improved relationships.
By replacing "sorry" with "thank you," we can shift our focus from self-deprecation to appreciation.
For example, instead of saying "Sorry for being late," you could say "Thank you for your patience."
Subtle, but do you see the difference?
This simple change not only acknowledges the other person's experience but also reinforces a positive self-image.
Expressing gratitude can help you feel more empowered and confident, and it can also enhance your relationships by fostering a sense of mutual respect and appreciation.
Practical Tips for Shifting Your Language
Making the transition from "sorry" to "thank you" requires conscious effort and practice. And trust me, it’s not as easy at it sounds.
However, here are some practical tips to help you get started:
Self-Awareness: Pay attention to how often you say "sorry" in your daily interactions. Keep a journal or make a mental note each time you apologize unnecessarily. Maybe even wear a rubber band and keep switching it from hand to hand each time you apologize.
Reframe Your Language: When you catch yourself about to say "sorry," pause and think of a way to express gratitude instead. For example, "Thank you for understanding" instead of "Sorry for the confusion."
Practice Gratitude: Make it a habit to express gratitude regularly. Start a gratitude journal where you write down things you are thankful for each day. I personally live by the rule of 3. Before bed each night say or write down 3 things you’re grateful for.
Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to reinforce your self-worth. Remind yourself that you deserve to take up space and be treated with respect. If you’re not an affirmation person then pick quotes, motivational sayings, or Bible verses (this is one I do each Sunday).
Seek Feedback: Ask trusted friends or colleagues to provide feedback on your language use. They can help you identify patterns and suggest alternatives. Fare warning though some people can be brutally honest. When I did this I purposefully picked someone I knew would be a bit over the top on feedback, but boy, did I need to hear it.
Embrace the Power of Positive Language
Overall, language is a powerful tool that can shape our thoughts, feelings, and interactions. By shifting from "sorry" to "thank you," we can practice gratitude, boost our self-esteem, and foster more positive relationships.
This small but impactful change can transform not only how we perceive ourselves but also how others perceive us.
As we navigate our professional and personal lives, I encourage you to embrace the power of positive language.
By expressing gratitude and appreciation, we can create a more positive and empowering environment for ourselves and those around us. Remember, the words we choose matter, and they have the power to shape our reality.
So, let's choose words that uplift, empower, and inspire.
References
Schumann, Karina, and Michael Ross. "Why women apologize more than men: Gender differences in thresholds for perceiving offensive behavior." Psychological Science 21, no. 11 (2010): 1649-1655.
Emmons, Robert A., and Michael E. McCullough. "Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84, no. 2 (2003): 377.
Lambert, Nathan M., et al. "Affect and interpersonal relationships: A test of the affect-as-information theory of relationship satisfaction." Journal of Positive Psychology 5, no. 1 (2010): 29-40.
